Left unsaid

It had been a long wait

I had been waiting for an eternity for him to come

And then he came

The love we had, the love we felt, was all encompassing

It was so intense that it almost suffocated,

Yet, so pure that it liberated

I wanted to tell him about all those little things I had fantasised about;

I wanted him to know how I felt about those small gestures..

I wanted him to know of all of these things that I had dreamt of,

That I had wanted, for me, for him, for us;

I wanted him to learn of all of it gradually, one at a time

I wanted him to feel each one of those yearnings,

Know it, understand it, feel it and absorb it,

So it became a part of him, as it was a part of me.

I wanted him to know all of this, one at a time.

I wanted to tell him how I had loved the feel of his fingers in my hair,

Even before our paths had crossed

I wanted him to know how I wanted to make his arms my home,

I wanted him to feel how I craved for the warmth of his breath on my neck

I wanted him to realise that the sound of my name on his lips was music to me

I wanted him to see how it burned me to have his lips on mine

I wanted him to feel how I so wanted to burn

I wished for him to know that the only way I wanted to wake up,

was to his sound, smell and taste, and next to him.

I needed him to know that, when we were with friends,

or in a crowd, I loved how our eyes would meet and smile,

I wanted him to know how I loved that we spoke so much through silence,

His arms on my shoulders, his hands holding mine,

A peck on the cheek, our palms entwined,

That kiss on the forehead before goodnight  ,

that curve of a smile in the morning, before kissing me tight

how his eyes twinkled, seeing me just out of bed

how he’d hug me, even before a tear was shed

I wanted him to know how I had waited for all these things for years

I wanted him to know how I loved these things so much that it hurt

I wanted to tell him all this,

I wanted him to know all this,

I wanted him to feel all of this, one at a time

But before I could tell, before he could know,

He had left.

I still have all these things unsaid, at times making it hard to breathe

At times making me want to slash a wrist

Making me want to let the blood flow

To inflict pain physically

To let the hurt go

Now he is gone and all those things I wanted, have turned morose